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Sunday, February 28, 2010

BEER #5 Stella with an Umbrella...VIDEO

You already know that video on Youtube is king.  So, after all the feedback from my listeners about how much my blog shreds, how great it is for them, and how hungry they were after watching, I have officially decided to upgrade your experience.  STELLA ARTOIS is a great beer, I hope you enjoy the ridiculousness of this video.



Monday, February 22, 2010

BEER #4 O'Douls Non-Alcoholic with a Pacifier

I hope I am not the only person asking this question:

What the hell is the point of a non-alcoholic beer?

This one is dedicated to my wife, who was recently nursing our perfectly beautiful girl.

So to all the pregnant or nursing women out there, (or to all the one's who SHOULD be pregnant). . . well, this beer's for you.

If you are not pregnant or nursing, and you are drinking O'Douls, then I have this statement for you....

Wussy Beer.

If you have ever read one of my blogs before you are going to think this is redundant, but here we go...right? So, use your leverage.

Put the strongest edge under the cap, remember to make sure that your hand is solid and flat around the neck of the wussy beer.

Using a crisp, decisive motion, flip up on the edge and lift off the top.


Ok, so there is a little photo editing here.  It took me three tries to get it off.  Well that's what you get for trying to open a wussy beer in the first place.



Thursday, February 18, 2010

BEER #3 Sierra Nevada with a Banana

If you ever find yourself in a situation where there are no sharp edges, where all the bricks, seat belts, metal edges, silverware, and chairs are destroyed because another tornado slammed into Southern California and threw everything everywhere...EXCEPT the refrigerator which happens to have the last glorious Sierra Nevada on the planet and the only other thing you can find is a on!  This is the life.

First off, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale is a god of beers!  With its super hoppy flavor and unfiltered finishing process, I can honestly say, if I was the only survivor in the world after annihilation, I would move up to Chico, CA and live in the Sierra Nevada Brewery.  THIS IS THE GREATEST BEER.

So, I found a banana, and lets open this beer now...

Some of you skeptics just watch as I successfully open this beer, yes, with a banana!

Place the HARDEST end of the banana under the cap.

HAHA, bet you thought I was actually going to pull that off.  Well I try again.

It's not any better.  So now...I guess I can't drink the beer....Unless, I use something precious to my IPOD.

Same trick here, put an edge under and flip up the ipod quick!

SUCCESS!  And the Ipod still works...these things are built tough.



BEER #2 Newcastle with the 6-pack box

A friend of mine challenged me that I couldn't open a beer with "just anything."  Hell, I am always up for the challenge.  So here goes.

Today I attempt to open a Newcastle with the cardboard 6-pack box...I know what you're saying, why the hell would you open a perfectly wonderful beer with a piece of cardboard?  Well, why the hell not.

So, first you need to build up a strong enough edge on the cardboard to withstand the leverage you are going to force on the box.  Fold the top down several times like below.

Crease the edges and smash them down tight!  Then, lovingly slide the sharpest edge under the cap, make sure your other hand is tight around the neck of the beer and provides a good, flat leverage surface.

Then with a crisp motion, crank that cardboard up in SHARP motion.  The top will fly off!

Enjoy the Newcastle because it is one of the greatest brown ales out there.  



Sunday, February 14, 2010

BEER #1 Dutch Republic Lager with a Garden Shovel

I bought a six pack of Dutch Republic Beer from Fast and Sleezy (aka Fresh and Easy) for $3.99.  BUT...I bought a case and they don't sell by the case so I had to open the case, ring up each individual six pack, then put them back in my broken box and tape it up with stickers.

Dutch Republic Lager is a light tasting beer.  It doesn't have any of the trademark skunkyness of Heineken, but is easy to drink and more importantly nice and cheap.

For a review of Dutch Brewing you can visit here.  I couldn't find out who brews the beer, but my guess is that Heineken probably has something to do with it.

Anyway, here is how to OPEN A BEER WITH A GARDEN SHOVEL.

Step 1.  Get a nice cold beer, and a garden shovel. (DUH)

This one was purchased from Fresh and Easy you can click for store locations.  I love Fresh and Easy and Trader Joe's for my cheap beer buys!

Step 2.  Place your hand under the lid and get a firm grip on the neck.  Use your index finger as the fulcrum.

Step 3.  Place the blade edge of the shovel between your index finger and snuggly under the lid.  Make sure that your hand is tight, and the blade is wedged neatly and securely under the edge of the cap.

Step 4.  This is the hardest part to master.  With a quick crisp motion, flip the handle up decisively.  The cap should fly off.

Step 5.  Drink all 6 beers, or share one with your friend if he's nice or if she's hot!

Tune in a couple days for my next beer review and random beer opener.  By the way, feel free to request implements of destruction or beers you would like reviewed.



It's All About the Leverage


You got a 12 pack and forgot the opener?  No problem! All you need to do now is find some random object to open the beer and impress the ladies.

This blog will teach you to open a beer bottle with absolutely anything (almost).  It's all about the leverage.

Leverage---is defined, as sticking something under something else and pulling on the first something to make the second something move in a directed or desired manner.

If that wasn't clear enough...stay tuned and I will document my adventure to open 101 different beers without the use of one bottle opener!

Dare I....